There are days when I absolutely love my calling. I love the kids, the "good" ones, but especially the rowdy ones. I love learning to love the rowdy ones. I love the chance I have to teach them. I love this chance I get to learn to serve. I love seeing the kids grow in the gospel. I love hearing the crazy and random things they say. I love it when they wave at me during Sacrament meeting or give me a hug after church. I love it when a child comes to church wearing church clothes for the first time. I love it when the kids feel comfortable enough to randomly come sit by me or talk to me. It is truly a great calling and I really do love it.
Then there are days I get out the calendar so see how much longer I have to do this. But these days aren't necessarily the days I tackle the boys, or break up fist fights during sharing time. These days are days like today, when I feel like every decision I make is wrong. When I feel like everyone thinks I have the wrong teacher in the wrong class. When the room assignments keep changing. When I still don't have a teacher to fill a vacancy. When dates for activities keep changing or are cancelled. When, no matter how hard I try, I still can't figure out a way to keep the Valiant Boys from beating on each other. When I look at my teachers and see a look in their eyes that says, "I'm totally stressed out. How can you help me? It's your job to help." and honestly not know how to fix it.
I know not all of my decisions are awesome. It's hard making decisions that directly affect 50 kids and their 10 adult teachers (I'm younger than 99% percent of them). But it would be nice not to hear the little, "I told you so," or the "I would do it differently," voice in my head all the time. Today is one of those days when I know I only have about 16 weeks left, and it will be a relief not to be in charge.
14 comments:
Annette, you are an amazing primary president & I'm sure most people (including me) are just watching you and wondering how on earth they'll find someone to fill your shoes! :) I honestly can't think of a better person for the job right now than you!
You ARE fabulous, it's not an easy calling you have. You are definately making a difference in the lives of all these kids!
Hang in there- you will look back at days like today and be so happy you had a chance to bless these kids! You are making a difference!
Oh - how I can relate! To every word. The hardest thing for me was knowing that no matter how much I did, I could always do MORE... there was always more to be done, the work never ends. Just know that when you look back, you'll realize how much you grew, and that you'll just mostly remember the good stuff. Like how much you love those kids, that sticks with you. I still think about them often. Just know that your best is good enough (even when it feels like it isn't) and that these months will go by quickly! Also, remember to write down the good things, the good experiences. Just the other day I read something I wrote in my journal about one of the little boys in primary - I had totally forgotten about it, but it all came back to me when reading it. Such a tough calling, but worth it for those sweet kids.
I can relate to a lot of what you said, and I'm just a sunbeams teacher. You definitely have a stressful calling. But I'm sure you are an amazing primary president, because you are such an amazing person!
I so hear what your saying...well sort of. I feel that way when I sit in PEC and listen to this bishop tell us we need to find the sisters who are missing, know why they are not there, etc. Its so fun when you work all the time and dont get sisters to church. The joys of leadership callings.
I had a rough day at church today too... with my little Maddie. She kept saying loudly, I am board. I don't want to be hear. I am tiered. I don't want to do that. I lost it. But at the end of church she came and gave me a big hug. I love the girl, she just struggles sometimes. I am just happy to only have 5 kids (on average) in my primary. Good luck Annette.
We're all doing the best we can in there and honestly the kids love you so much...you can tell, they even act better (relatively:)) When you're there:) I think you're doing an awesome job and I personally don't expect you to be able to fix it on your own. We just have to stick together & pray a lot and things will get better:) You're an awesome president & I don't think you're doing anything wrong! You have a tough calling and I admire you for doing it! Let me know if there is ever anything I can do to help out:)
aw girlfriend, you're doing a fantastic job! just the fact that you even went to church yesterday after having a baby makes you a much better prez than i would be! you are so dedicated and hard working, and everyone knows how much you do for these kids. don't hesitate to ask if there's anything i can do, we love you!
You really are a wonderful member and president. Don't think that you aren't doing enough. I can tell by this post that you love the kids and you love the Lord... that's the best, that's enough.
I understand. I don't really envy you. But, if it makes you feel better I think you're totally awesome and fabulous and you're doing a great job! I REALLY admire you for all the effort you put into your calling, the ward, and not to mention your family. Everybody is so lucky to have you in their lives. Don't think your efforts go unappreciated.
Oh Annette! I know you did not write this looking for praise but really you are doing a wonderful job! Please let me know if there is every ANYTHING that I can do to help. I really do love those kids! (and I love being in the nursery even if my back hurts when it is over and I need a nap)
Annette!! Primary president is like the hardest calling in our ward!! We have so many tough kids, and kids completely new to the church and its routines, and lots of behavioral obstacles to overcome. You are WONDERFUL and have such a positive, happy, calming presence. I am still awestruck you came back like 2 weeks after having McKenzie, just to put out all the fires left over from when you were gone.:) You handle those boys with grace, and it's really inspiring to watch.
Oh Annette, I have SO been there. Hang in there, I know you're doing a great job because I know you!!!!
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