Day 5

Today I received the call I had been dreading through this whole fiasco, two of the four nodules they removed are carcinomas.  I wish I could remember which kind of cancer the doctor was explaining they were, but I was just in disbelief that the worst cast scenario came true.  My 5.4 cm nodule, and my 1.4 cm were both diagnosed as PTC (don't ask me what that stands for, it's the only thing I can remember) by pathology.  This means another round of surgery in about a month.  This means I will most likely need radioactive iodine therapy at the end of it all.  This means routine lab work.  This means lifetime medication.  This means a rotten family history to pass on to my kids.  So now all of those "what-if's" I've been struggling with are now confirmed.  Ugh!  I was at the fabric store when I received the call from the surgeon so I couldn't scream, screaming would also really hurt my sore throat even though I really, really wanted to.  I'm mad.  I'm mad at my body.  I feel like it betrayed me.  I don't even want to think about the next four months.  I know I need to make some plans, but I'm done being cheerful and hopeful about this whole thing.  This is happening, and this really stinks.