We've been remote learning for one week. Here are my honest thoughts. First of all, this is nowhere close to "normal" for our family. I knew it was going to be a challenge and I tried to do everything in my power to make it feel as much like normal as possible. The girls and I went shopping for a couple new back to school outfits. Even with the masks and the crazy distancing measures at each store, it almost felt like normal. It felt like a fun day shopping at the mall with my girls. I loved it.
On the night before school began we had some stellar brownie hot fudge sundaes to celebrate. The boys were funny, "Wait, the cookie, the brownie, the ice cream, the hot fudge, and the whip cream are ALL going in the same bowl? I get to eat ALL of it?" My oh my, it was a delicious was to end our spring break...summer vacation...coronavirus shut down.
On the first day of school we woke up early and the kids dressed themselves in their new back to school clothes. We went out to the front porch to take pictures, but barefoot because we were just going back inside.
I have tried to transform the office into a school room for these kids. And as I look around at the word wall, the calendar, the punny English posters, I feel ok. I feel comfortable in this space and this that we can really make this work.
All we had to go on was a district assigned schedule for each grade. Every hour was broken down to zoom calls, reading lessons, math lessons, lunch hour, and a couple of recesses. I knew that we'd be spending the first couple of days simply learning how to log in to the programs and how to navigate the sites. I sat in the fourth classroom chair watching over all the kids making sure that microphones worked, videos were turned on, that the wifi was functioning, and most importantly watching my kids and how they were coping with this.
Before lunch they all did great. They were excited to see their teachers and friends on zoom. They were willing to put up with technology glitches and patiently figured out how remote learning was going to work. However, by about 2 o'clock, everyone's energy levels were way down. Kelton was melting in his seat. McKenzie was just staring at her computer, and Cambrie was silently crying on the floor. That afternoon it hit all of us just how hard this was going to be. Sure, we can figure out the eight different passwords needed for lessons, but they wouldn't be doing it with friends. Friends, the true school experience. Yes, I want them to learn how to read, write and think, but I also want them to feel like they belong. I want them to feel like they have people who have their backs and are there to support them. I want them to feel like their friends can count on them to be there when things get rough. I WANT THEM TO MAKE MEMORIES WITH THEIR FRIENDS, NOT MEMORIES OF THEM STARING AT A COMPUTER SCREEN! So as Cambrie lay there crying, I plopped myself right down next to her and cried too. This is going to be a crummy year, there's no doubt about it. It is going to be lonely, it is going to be mentally and emotionally exhausting for all of these kids.
When the kids finally logged off at 3:00 we were all completely spent. There was no energy for anything. I was in a fog the rest of that night because my brain was so tired. The next day, wasn't much better. After those first couple days of school we started talking to school friends, church friends, mom friends, and learned that there were tears in almost everyone's homes that week. Now all of us are trying to see what we can do to make this semester a little less painful. Kelton was given a learning pod spot at Meridian. Basically he does the exact same thing he does at home, but he gets to play on the playground during recess. The drop-off and pick-up procedure is a little rough since I can't even go onto school property. There are aides with walkie-talkies getting the kids to the right places. He has to wear a mask all day, and haul his computer to and from the school every day. Only three kids can sit at each lunch table, so while they do get to see friends, it's pretty limited. Kelton said it felt pretty lonely. We're going to give it the rest of the week before we decide what we want to do about Kelton. I just don't know of another way to give him social interaction during the day.
McKenzie is lucky in that Molly is also in Mr. Riley's class. On Tuesday she came over and the girls did school together. It worked pretty well, and I was relieved that our internet could handle it. She'll at least get some opportunities to have a friend as a part of her schooling.
Cambrie is a little harder. Since they have middle school schedules, none of her friends' schedules line up exactly with hers. The bell schedule is the same, so they at least can visit during the five minutes between class, and that's what we're trying today. Today she's over at Halle's doing school there. Fingers crossed it helps those teens. Already Cambrie has mentioned that she has a couple friends who are having anxiety over school this year and it's not going well at all. Normally they have each other to rely on. It is so much harder this year. I told her something I never thought I would tell my kids, "Cambrie, I want you, I need you, to pass notes to your friends. Text them, chat with them, I don't care if you are in a zoom meeting, you have to talk with your friends." She has one friend, Lincoln, who ended up in a lot of her classes this year. I'm glad he's watching out for her. Once she went to the wrong class and he messaged her that she was in the wrong spot. It's a small incident, but it's a memory with a friend.
Last night there was an informal Relief Society activity. There was no agenda, we simply visited in Allysa's backyard. Can you guess the theme of all of our conversations? Yes, remote learning. Every woman that was there was there because she needed to be surrounded by other women. All of us were desperate in one way or another. There were a handful of women who came looking completely wiped out and spent. Those are the moms who are absolutely done with this school year, just five days in. All of us shared how we have been chained to the kids' chromebooks nearly as much as they have. None of us can leave the house to run errands, go grocery shopping, go to the gym, or take care of anything outside the house. If we leave inevitably the internet will go down, or a zoom meeting will drop, or the kid will just leave the computer because they don't know they're supposed to log into the next lesson. I know it's early and the kids will learn the routines, but this isn't sustainable. After a full day of being the IT specialists, I'm tired, but as soon as my kids log off I still need to be "on." I take off my IT hat and put on my Mom hat. After seven hours of staring at screens, they want to interact with a real human being. Each one of them latches onto to me after school because they need me. I go from one form of exhaustion to another instantly. Thank heaven that three of the four kids still have their sports in the evenings. Thank heaven that for at least one hour a day these kids get to talk to other kids in person. Thank heaven two of the kids have to spend their evenings outside instead of at a computer desk. I pray that we can get through this semester with the least amount of harm to their sweet little souls as possible.
