The boys had the day off from school, so I decided to get them outside and have some fun. We picked up Chick Fil-A and went to eat it at a park. The best park close to Chick Fil-A is one over at the Outlet Mall. I didn't think anything of it as we were happily munching on our chicken strips until I was hit with the memories from my attack back in November. My anxiety spiked and I found that I was very uncomfortable. I noticed that I was trying to watch everywhere at once. I couldn't relax. I was slightly shaky. There was nothing that day that was a threat. The park was full of kids and their parents. The sun was shining. Music was playing over the loudspeakers. It was the perfect day to play at the park. While the boys played I sat down and really tried to focus on what I was feeling. I went through exercises to keep my mind and body calm. I kept reminding myself that I was safe and ok.
As I watched the dozens of kids running around the playground I tried soaking up some of their serenity and simple joy. I was reminded of just how far I've come in my emotional healing and that it's ok to feel this way. I found myself thinking of others who have experienced trauma and desperately hoped that they too have been able to heal because it isn't right for anyone to hurt another human. We should all be able to feel the peace and joy like these kids as they run and play freely. I was also reminded just how grateful I am that these boys have each other. I hope they always remain such good friends.
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