Pregnancy thoughts

I just found out that I'm pregnant!  This will be baby number three and Jeremy and I really excited.  I have been having all sorts of mixed emotions with this pregnancy.  If everything had gone according to plan, I would have been pregnant months ago and be due sometime this summer, putting all of our kids 2 1/2 years apart.  But then I qualified for Boston and that is such a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that we decided to wait until after the Boston marathon to have our third kid.  Sometimes this logic makes sense to me, and sometimes it seems very selfish.  Is it right to hold off a kid just because of a race?  On the other hand, it is only going to be about 5-6 months behind schedule and will that really make a huge difference in the long run?  We decided to try to start getting pregnant so that I'd only be a little pregnant for Boston.  So far I've had pretty easy pregnancies with no complications.  I even did my first triathlon while 9 weeks pregnant with McKenzie so I know I can stay active without any problems.  But I'm worried.  I'm worried that I'll become too tired in the next few weeks to train effectively.  I'm worried that the stress of a marathon will cause me to have a miscarriage.  Im' worried that I'm compromising and my race will suffer because of it.  I don't know, so many emotions!  And to top it all off, I can't talk to anyone except Jeremy about it.  I don't want to tell anyone I'm pregnant until after the race.  Until after I know that everything is in the clear and this baby is a go.  Most of my running and pregnant friends know that I wish I was pregnant right now.  So the news wouldn't be a huge surprise, but I still want to tell them.  Being pregnant is exciting!  I want to shout it from the rooftops that I am four weeks along with a baby!  I wish I knew if it was a boy or a girl.  I wish I knew everything will be okay with all of my training and racing.  Since this is all a secret, I can't post this little journal entry for about another five weeks or so.  It is just going to sit in my draft folder waiting for the right time to come out.  But I feel better already getting it all written down.